Expand your sense of humor with fast quotes, quick wit, convenient clichés, wisdom, fun and clever ideas.

Enjoy hundreds of select quips from comics, classics, editorials, bumper stickers and anonymous sayings.

Discover the most snarky, smiley, sanctimonious, sentimental, sacred, irreverent, tender, cheeky and enduring short funny punches. These off-beat quotes, pithy adages and short humorous poems cover every imaginable topic, vision and viewpoint.

Escape now into the world of SMIRK.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

If you’re going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it!

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

You solved a sticky mess by using your own unique humor? How DID you do that? What was so troublesome to begin with?

Right now I’m writing a book about how humor gets the way it is and how the funny stuff works. Care to share a predicament at work, at home or among friends that was tidied up by using a joke, a trick, a few weird words or some rancid sarcasm? It could be perfect for one of the chapters in “What’s so %$#! Funny?” and your name would get credit in my book. In case you prefer to remain anonymous, that’s OK.

I, for one, have bought an energy bar because the wrapper said it was fortified with optimism. The nutritional value was secondary. Do you respond to that sort of an ad? What wonders has humor worked in your life these days?

What’s been going on? Write away on COMMENT…I’ll get right back to you. Honest!
AF

Kids are naturally fun. Luckily, most adults are former children. Actually, we should probably acknowledge that adults are simply obsolete children.

Kids can make other kids and even some adults laugh—but that doesn’t make them prodigy comedians. They are cute youngsters who might grow up to become star comedians or insurance executives or boutique shop owners or auto mechanics. Humor starts early and is pretty basic. Usually the first amusement that a parent and child share is the toilet joke. It deals with “doodoo” or “peepee” or you can bet anything even remotely scatological that the kid discovered. It’s an innocent study of functions of the human anatomy and it’s kind of a shared secret. Of course, kids do say the darndest things. Sometimes shocking. Just roll with the punch; it’s the innocence and sparkle of children’s minds being verbalized.

What makes sense to a two-year-old can be a riot to an adult. An unsuspecting passerby, not even an adoring relative, will grin when a little person says that she “heared a lady who singed a pretty song.” There’s logic in adding the past tense suffix ed to a verb. What right do adults have to change speech so radically?

It was election time in a small Ecuadorian town. The entire (but small) population chose the mayor, a brand of foot powder, Pulvapies. Why? During the election campaign the foot powder company set up huge billboards advertising “Vote for any candidate but if you want well being and hygiene, vote for Pulvapies” They did.

Cemeteries are fine places where literary humor can become eternal. Written in stone, as in gravestones. Some epitaphs are the words of the deceased, composed in anticipation of their demise. Others, the inspirations of silver tongued friends or family. The British display a knack for schemes to get in the last word, such as:

Stranger, treat this ground with gravity,
Dentist Brown is filling his last cavity

One thing that might put us in line for smoother link with people is sharing the idea of a personal fun day. OK, that sounds somewhat sentimental. Joking and kidding around generally does add to getting a kick out of life, it’s worth the effort.

Just try to figure out why some folks can’t get a chuckle out of the way a pencil sharpener sounds or maybe how serious a dog is about the business of drinking water, and you’ll see a better neighborhood. The infection called humor spreads more quickly than a social disease. Humor seems to reach people through their pores without their being aware. This increases the threat of influencing and acquiring new playmates.

Mistakes just happen.Typos in print editorials, advertisements etc. that make us take a second look at what may possibly be Freudian slips can do it. Like: “They were married and lived happily even after.” Or “The sergeant is a twenty-year veteran defective on the police force.”

Then there’s the situation when Mad Magazine viciously spoofed the Circuit City stores, a once flourishing electronic distributor. Circuit City stores immediately removed the magazine from stores and discontinued selling the magazine. After a half-hearted apology from the Mad magazine people, Circuit City decided to put the magazine back on its shelves for customers to buy and also arranged to add some self-deprecating humor to their advertising campaign. The company recognized the value of humor in corporate marketing. Alas, that value wasn’t strong enough to withstand the recession of the 2000s.

It takes letters to make words. Memorable shapes, graceful vowels or forceful consonants. The magic letter K —why does the K sound produce a slight smile? It could be “Facial Feedback.” Many words featuring the sound K force the lips to turn up at corners, and the face smiles. Say “duck” or say “quack”, fun huh? Possibly this is why we associate the sound K with happiness. It’s the contagious nature of a happy face, no matter how low brow. People easily smile when they feel happier. However, the mechanism also works in reverse…maybe people feel happy simply because they have smiled. Either way, Joe Penner, a radio comedian, made himself pretty darn famous with a ducky tag line, “Wanna Buy a Duck?” That was in the 1940s, of course.

By the way, what does the English language have against the letter D? It appears to have a nice straight backbone and a curvaceous front contour but still so many words that begin with a D are downers. Disaster, dispirited, despise, doldrums, downcast, despondent, dull, dejected, death, debility, decay, defame, defile, disadvantage, disdain, disgrace, doom, downfall, dying, —enough, already.

So many smileable words are filled with pudding-sounding consonants ~~ Pop, buttock, dog, hockey puck and, of course onomatopoeia.

How about those words that are just fun to say.”Stuff” has a pretty high rating among editorial writers and just about all the rest of us. It’s all-inclusive and it sounds neat!

But what’s a PRODUCT? It’s anything === a new hat, a speaker who has a manager, a ten ton vehicle, an apple hanging on a tree or a cruise to exotic shores. When things are no longer stuff, they seem to become products— if they have some dollar value.

And the word for this era is — Dollar !
3/2′09